The Magnificent Seven Review

"The Magnificent Seven"

Magnificently overrated.

Parker Bracken aka "the Fifteen Year-Old with the Cynicism of Larry David"

When I was little, I often visited my grandparents in Pennsylvania.  The two defining traits I have of my grandfather,  which were he was always perpetually sleeping  and always had the channel with the westerns films on.  This is the perfect example of one of those technicolor John Wayne wannabes, and it holds that title with a bit of pride.  This also showcases the almost always present in westerns film trope, of the "Mighty Whitey".  This is that without the help of a Caucasian person (99% of the time male), people of a different race are often helpless and doomed.

Set in your standard western backdrop, the film presents us a Mexican village full of farmers oppressed by a group of bandits, ruled by the stereotypically evil Calvera (one-notedly played by Eli Wallach).  Three of the villagers set off to find guns/help and stumble into the non-bigoted Chris (played like a piece of Wonder-Bread by Yul Brynner), and together the four find six other stereotypes of actual people.  The old guy Vin (played equally as white by Steve McQueen), the hot-headed kid with an accent that changes as much as his mood Chico (played with incredible hamminess by Horst Buchholz), the strongman with a heart of 50% gold and 50% steel Bernardo (played surprisingly well by Charles Bronson), PTSD/guilt ridden Lee (the best character in the film, played by Robert Vaughn), the eagle eye Britt (James Coburn being more wooden than a goddamned sycamore), and the greedy Harry (played selfishly by Brad Dexter).  Together, the seven fight to stop the evil gang of bandits.

The actors in the film play there parts like clockwork, the only notably damaged cog is Horst Buchholz, who has one of the most German names of all time.  All he had to do is make Chico relatable in a singular way, but every time you see him, you hate him just a little bit more.  Anytime he starts to show an emotion other than jealousy or angst-ridden fury, he just stops emoting.  Other than him, everyone one else was fine.  Actually the acting was really good in the terms of 60's westerns.

I have complained a lot about this film, but there are some things I legitimately liked about it.  I did like the characters Bernardo and Lee, because they are actually interesting, and have mostly developed character arcs.  The cinematography is also fairly good, the story is based off one of the best films of all time, and the sound design is goofy at times, yet ridiculously charming.  Other than those important glues (which keeps this film from completely falling apart), everything else is either really mediocre or just flat out bad.  The mediocre things are almost all the characters and acting, except for Bernardo, Lee, and Chico.  Everything that is bad with this film is Chico and his romance, but I have talked about him enough though.

The morals or lessons of the story is that there are many different types of responsibility and that all good deeds are not completely merited.  Other than those two, the story just tells the tell of seven men, who did all they could do to protect a village of innocent farmers that did not do anything wrong.  Honestly, most people should really know those lessons already, but if they did not, they sure as hell do, now.

This is a film meant for two very (and when I mean very, I mean very) specific audiences.  Those two audiences are people whose favorite genre of films are westerns, and people who are in their late fifties and above.  I would recommend this film to both of my grandfathers (presuming they have not already seen it, and I would not recommend this film to anyone who has seen the Coen Brother's version of "True Grit" or Tarantino's "Django Unchained"). 

6.5 out of 10

Pros:

-Bernardo and Lee

-Nostalgic Visual/Sound Styles

-Wonderful Source Material 

Cons:

-Most of the Actors/Characters were Bland

-The "Mighty Whitey" Usage 

-Horst Buchholz 

-Horst Buchholz (I needed to list him again)

Parker Bracken lives in South Portland, Maine, and attends a school taught film class.  He is known to have a love of musicals and films that have been written and/or directed by Quentin Tarantino.  You can find him reading an odd book by himself in the lunchroom by himself on White days.